Over a year ago, God has been leading me on a fearless journey. One by one, fear has been exiting my life. I didn’t realize how many levels fear really has!! Or even how sneaky it can be. The most recent level of fear that snuck its way in was this:
In February, 2 family members passed away the same week.
In April, 2 coworkers passed away the same week.
In May, a cousin had a stroke. She’s ok thankfully and at home recovering now. A week after this, i found out another cousin got diagnosed with a terminal form of cancer.
All these bad news made me pull away from people, church especially. I thought i had good reasons to (they’re still up for debate but that’s a different story).
Recently, during my prayer and worship time, God revealed the true reason why i was drifting away: fear. Fear of going through grief and pain of loss again. Grief hurts. In a way, i wanted to protect myself from any future pain. Why get to know people when they’re just going to die and experience the pain of grief all over again? God revealed so much to me especially with how sneaky fear can come upon. I didn’t even recognize it this time unlike the others! So i rebuked that fear and currently getting involved with my new church again. This past Sunday, i saw church differently. For the first time in MONTH, i didn’t cry during the worship period. I saw others around me like I’ve always known them – they’re my family! I talked to strangers. Another fear I had with church is going up to the front. That was always scary for me. But i conquered that fear again that day after service! It’s not scary 🙂 it’s definitely an interesting perspective being that close to the stage which reminds me of my favorite quote for years – “A different perspective changes everything”
Thanks to Jesus, I am an overcomer of depression, anxiety, and now FEAR.